I haven’t read this book but I hope it has a chapter on what you should do when:

Your guy asks you to do something foolish for him (like patron a Senate bill which authorizes the state to collect abusive driver fees.)

You gladly fulfill his wishes thinking he’ll like you more and maybe do something nice for you in return (like use his Opportunity Fund to buy you a Volkswagen factory.)

Heartbreak sets in when you realize your guy isn’t really your guy - he’s giving gifts to someone else (locating your Volkswagen factory in HERNDON!!)

There’s no Herndon in your district, so don’t bother looking. Roscoe, although it hurts, it’s time to realize that He’s Just Not That Into You.

I know you’re in denial and you don’t want to believe me so I have proof of the “affair”:

Accompanied by Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine, Jacoby made the formal announcement this morning. Kaine noted that the Ford plant in Norfolk, Va. closed after 80 years. “We would love to make the best case for why (a VW factory) would be best in Virginia,” Kaine said.

Timmy’s even using the “l” word. (that would be “love,” Roscoe) and they’re exchanging tokens of affection. Need more proof?

Jacoby was presented with a state flag of Virginia that had been flown over the state Capitol in Richmond. He spoke in front of three gleaming new vehicles — a new Beetle, Eos and Audi and gave Kaine a miniature VW Beetle.

Looks like the attraction between Timmy and his new interest is mutual (the book says that’s a bad sign for you.)

Pictures say a lot - they both look happy. (I KNOW it hurts but it’s for the best. Trust me.)

All couples are happy in the beginning but it’s only a matter of time before trouble rears its ugly head: But the area faces severe traffic snarls and local TV reporters asked Kaine what 400 more motorists would do to already monstrously long commutes. In a sign of the problems, one of the featured speakers at the press conference was 30 minutes late — held up by bad traffic.

But that’s not your worry, Roscoe, by then you’ll be LONG over him.